CRIME DOES NOT PAY IN CERTAIN CASES OF UNAVOIDABLE EYEBALL CONTAMINATION

Coldwater, Mich. -- "Sexy Rexy" may appeal -- but his lawyer said it depends on what happens at his sentencing.

Rex Clifton, a male go-go dancer recently convicted of indecent exposure for dancing in the almost -altogether last June, could spend a year in jail and be fined $500.

The Branch County District Court Jury, said a court official, deliberated about two hours on the crucial question in the case: Did Clifton purposely strip or did a frenzied female fan rip off his bikini underwear during a show at the Pit Stop Lounge?

The guilty verdict was unanimous.

"It's unreal. I just can't believe it, really," Clifton said from his home in Fort Wayne, Ind.

"They never found the woman...Just a state trooper and the Liquor Control (Commission) lady testified," he added.

Clifton, who was dancing with "Fast Freddy and the Playboys" at the time of his arrest, said, "It's never going to happen again. We have a little bit of crowd control coming with us now."

He is now free on $500 bond.
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Traverse City, Mich. -- A 34-year-old hamburger burglar is spending a week in jail for each hamburger he tried to steal from a Traverse City restaurant.

A judge sentenced James Willey of Beulah to 21 days in the Grand Traverse City restaurant.

State police said Willey told them that a friend who worked at the restaurant had told him last summer he could stop in any time and have a hamburger. Apparently, he did just that.

MUSIC

One day Pablo Casals was to appear with a symphony orchestra in the afternoon rehearsal, and everything went smoothly. In the evening performance before an audience, he played one passage at a different tempo from what had been rehearsed and touched off a mild panic onstage.

The conductor, who had been caught off guard, confronted him after the concert. What prompted him to do that?

"It was a better interpretation," explained the cellist, "and I am always ready to make a change for the better."

"In the middle of a performance?" groaned the distraught maestro.

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Johannes Brahms, not a fastidious man, showed little concern for his personal appearances. One morning, he showed up at his publisher's with traces of egg yolk on his beard.

"Why are you so untidy?" his publisher scolded.
"Look at you. Must you advertise you had egg for breakfast?"

"What are you talking about?" the composer retorted. "I haven't eaten egg in a week."