From The Blueprint For Progress, Reprinted With Permission Of Roy Harris


In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Quickly, he was faced with class action suit for failure to file an Environmental Impact Statement. He was granted a temporary permit for the Heavenly part to fit the project, but was stymied with a Cease and Desist Order for the Earthly party.

Appearing at the hearing, God was asked why he began his Earthly project in the first place. He replied that he just liked to be creative.

Then God said, "Let there be Light," and immediately the officials demanded to know how the Light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What about thermal pollution?

God explained that Light would come from a huge ball of fire.

God was granted a provisional permit to make Light, assuming that no smoke would result from the ball of fire, that He would have the Light out half the time.

God agreed and said He would call the Light Day and the darkness Night. Officials replied that they were not interested in semantics.

God said, "Let the Earth bring forth green herbs and such as may seed." The Environmental Protection Angels (EPA) agreed so long as native seed was used. Then God said, "Let the waters bring forth the creeping creatures having life, and the fowl that may fly over the Earth."

Officials pointed out that this would require approval of the Game and Fish Commission, coordinated by the Heavenly Wildlife Federation and the Audobongelic Society.

Everything was okay until God said he wanted to complete the project in six days. Officials said it would take at least 100 days to review the application and impact statement. After that there would be public hearings, then 10 to 12 months before...

And God said, "To H--- with it!"