I Won't Say How I've Done In The Stock Market But You Kow How Stocks Split?



My stocks are doing so badly, I even worry on weekends.

And you can tell the brokers are worried. One day the Dow Jones was unchanged and they called that a rally. Fortunately, I haven't been too hurt by the decline. About six months ago I took the Mickey Rooney approach to the market. I went short.

I wish they wouldn't talk about a recession. I still owe $15,000 from the boom!

Playing the stock market is like watching the hemline on mini skirts. You never know when it's going to touch bottom.

The main thing is -- don't panic! Like I just called my broker -- You shoulda heard what I called my broker!!

You're looking at a fellow who left his heart in San Francisco and everything else on Wall Street.

One day I called up my broker and he said, "The market is down thirteen points. I said, "Thirteen? That's terrible." He said, "This is no time to get superstitious."