IF YOU WANT WARES -- NOT WHERE'S OR THEIRS -- BUT PAIRS FOR STARES OR GLARES

A new patient sitting in the dentist's chair was told he had a mouth full of cavities.

With a bright cheery smile, the dentist asked,"Shall I fill them with gold or silver?"

"Gold or silver?" the man hollered. "I can't even afford to fill them with meat."
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Bobby Vinton reports that a doctor in LA told a patient to avoid all strenuous activity, such as tennis, golf and gas lines.
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Medical researchers report chicken soup is really good for you. But they admit their findings may make a few chickens sick.
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A young hostess had sent a dinner invitation to the newly-settled physician. In her reply note she received a totally illegible letter.

"I simply must know whether he has accepted or refused," she told her husband.

"Why don't you take it to a druggist?" he suggested. "They can always read a doctor's handwriting no matter how badly it is written."

The druggist studied the slip of paper, went to the back room and returned in a few minutes with a bottle. "There you are, Madam," he said. "Take as directed."
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I told my dentist my teeth were turning yellow and asked him what to do. He said, "Wear a brown tie."
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Two friends were having dinner. "So, now, your son is planning to be a dentist? I thought he wanted to be an ear specialist."

'"Yes," said his tablemate. "But he changed his mind when I reminded him that people have 32 teeth but only two ears."
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A lady came out of the doctor's office in Torrance, CAL, and told another patient in the elevator, "I'm so full of anti-biotics -- if I sneeze I can cure somebody."
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An ailing patient had a wife in attendance with a huge but inaccurate medical vocabulary, which she used not only to describe his symptoms but to prescribe treatment as well.

Occasionally, however, she did consult the doctor. "I just don't know," she once said, with a sigh. "I've wracked my brain to decide what can be done for him, Doctor. How effective is an autopsy?"