KIDS KEEP YOU ON THE SKIDS - NO QUID PRO QUO -- OR EVEN A N IDEA THAT COULD WORK

Philip, 10 year old entrepreneur, was going to sell soda pop at the park and asked his father to borrow a wrench. "You mean a bottle opener, don't you?" his father suggested. "No," said Phillip, "a wrench. First I've got to turn off the water at all the drinking fountains."
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Jennifer's favorite subject of conversation at 15 was her driver's ed course at high school. Her sister asked if the instructor ever gets nervous while the teenagers are at the wheel.

"Oh, no," she replied, "he's very relaxed, very calm and never yells even when we come close to sideswiping another car. He just sits there, smiles and takes little white pills he calls Valium."
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A teenager was telling her friend that her parents decided on a trial separation and the friend wanted to know what that was. "It's like having a telephone disconnected," she explained. "You see if you can live without it."
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There are two kinds of little boys. Dirty and not yet.
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Four year old twins Jeff and John came home from nursery school. John told his mother, "I think there's a creditability gap between us and the teacher. She actually believes a cow jumped over the moon."

Jeff said, "I went along with that but when she said, 'A dish ran away with he spoon' that did it for me."
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It could never have happened a decade ago, but eight teen-agers at the Hitchin Boys School have been suspended for wearing their hair too short.

"This very short hair is becoming a cult, and I'm determined to stop it, " said the headmaster John Gray. "It's a matter of internal school discipline."

Gray said that most of the boys who were suspended had shaved off all but one strip of hair, leaving a "Mohican" style haircut.
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The long-suffering father had just put his three-year-old to bed when the child asked for a drink of water. "Will you take it in a paper cup?" he was asked. "Anything, Daddy," said the youngster cheerfully, "just so it has something around it."
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A woman in Chicago has two daughters and they're both mad at her. One, because she won't let her wear a bra and the other is angry because she won't let her throw hers away.
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Look at the bright side. If you didn't have children, the neighbors would blame everything on you personally.
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Those Orson Welles TV commercials have gotten to the younger generation. Barry Sullivan's six-year-old grandson Christian, sat down to a bowl of cornflakes the other morning and asked, "What goes with Post Toasties, red or white wine?"
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Adele Jacobs, who teaches kindergarten asked her pupils to draw pictures showing what their dads did for a living. He noticed one little girl, Alice, drawing circles on her paper and ask, "What does your father do?" Alice said, "He's a doctor at the hospital and he makes rounds."
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Holidays are confusing. You'd think Thanksgiving would be in September right after the kids go back to school.