Last Year I Took One Of Those Dysentery Tours -- 14 Bathrooms In 7 Days

Thanks to modern jet travel, now we can be sick in countries we never heard of before.
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Did you ever get the impression that to qualify as a tourist paradise, some of these countries are importing their water from Mexico?
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Someone asked me: Did you see the fountains
of Rome?" "I said, if it flushed, I saw it."
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Really, if an of you are going to Europe, I gotta give you my recipe for the perfect martini. Three parts gin to one part Kaopectate!
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My big problem was the tour guide. Every day we stopped in 22 souvenir shops and 1 rest room. Naturally. Who gets kickbacks from rest rooms?
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And tour guides are very big for tips. These are the only people who can clear their throats in 15 different languages.
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As a side trip, we went to Africa, and you oughta see the things I brought back with me.
How do you spell malaria?
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Customs examiners are the only men I know who don't get excited by a 41-26-38 figure. Too often, the 41" is watches.
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We had a pretty easy time going through Customs. The inspector asked my wife to open her suitcase, pulled out a negligee, put it on, skipped away, and we never saw him again.
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Remember the good old days -- when people who couldn't afford to go to Europe, didn't?