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Brother Paul joined a monastery and took a ten-year vow of silence. After 10 years the abbot called him in and asked if he had anything to say? "Food cold," said Brother Paul.

"I'll look into it," said the abbot.

Another 10 years passed, and the abbot again asked if Brother Paul had anything to say. "Food still cold," he replied. The abbot again offered to look into it. Ten more years passed and the abbot asked if Brother Paul had anything to say.

"I quit," he answered. "Food still cold."

"It's just as well," said the abbot. "Nobody can stand a habitual griper."

A Texas rancher died and left the entire spread to his only son. Twenty-four hours later, the bank foreclosed on the ranch.

"Well," said the son, "Dad did say that the ranch would be mine one day."

Did you hear that budget cuts have hit the circus? Their freak show now features a bearded man. Instead of Siamese twins, there's a couple with a joint checking account. The strong man was replaced by an emotionally strong man. And outside the tent, someone will guess your temperature.

The doctor told Uncle Fudd that if he ran five miles a day for 300 days, he would lose 75 pounds. At the end of 300 days, Uncle Fudd called the doctor to report that he had lost the weight, but he still had a problem.

"What's your problem?" asked the doctor.

"I'm 1500 miles from home."

Overheard: "I was making $100,000 a year, had 75 people under me, a condo in Aspen and was being considered for the Senate -- then I switched to decaf."