Now That I Am Older - This Is What I Have Discovered...No Longer A Secret

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

My wild oats gave way to prunes and All-Bran.

I finally got my head together and now my body is falling apart.

I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.

It's not hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something, and then I wonder, what am I here after?

If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

It is lots easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

A tortoise doesn't run and it lives to be 450 years old.

When I'm holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?