Signs, Bumper Stickers, Graffiti And All Kinds Of Throat-Clearing Announcements

In Portland, OR., a sign in a doughnut shop proclaims: "THIS SHOP FOR SALE. TAKE OWNER OUT OF HOLE."

A sign in the window of a store on Broadway: DON'T BE FOOLED BY IMITATORS WHO CLAIM TO BE GOING OUT OF BUSINESS. WE HAVE BEEN GOING OUT OF BUSINESS LONGER THAN ANYONE ON THIS BLOCK.

WATER IS A GOOD BEVERAGE IF TAKEN IN THE RIGHT SPIRIT, declares a pub in Dublin.

A hardware store in Detroit: WE HAVE EVERYTHING TO MAKE YOUR LABOR DAY
A REAL ONE!

A man who built his own house near Palm Springs called it Calloused Palms.

An Evanston, IL shoe store: COME IN AND WE'LL GIVE YOU A FIT.

A shop in Tuscon specializing in levis: GUARANTEED TO SHRINK. (If they don't you can bring them back.)

Neiman-Marcus' Christmas catalog contains three "his and hers" 700 cubic foot, temperature and humidity controlled vaults deep within a 90,000 foot mountain in Utah's Wasatch Range. The price -- $90,000 for a 50 year lease.

"One may store here,with impunity and far from all uninvited eyes, the originals of oils you'd hate to lose, the real jewelry, a very rare vintage Bordeaux, a golden ingot or two...." to quote the catalog.
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Joey Adams knows a scientist who is currently working on a pill that's gonna revolutionize the drug industry. It's a combination tranquilizer and hormone rejuvenator. You get a tremendous desire to make love to a girl, but if you can't find one, you don't give a damn.