Why Jewish Women Turn Down A Colostomy? Can't Find Shoes To Match The Bag

An itinerant preacher arrived in a small Ohio town. He puts up fliers downtown and near the park by the lake. The sign says he will baptize all comers in the lake on Sunday.

People arrive, he takes them one by one into the lake and dunks them backwards or forwards (their call) to immerse themselves.

Pretty soon the town drunk shows up. He says to the preacher, "Wass goin' on?" The preacher said, "Did you come to find Jesus?" The drunk figures "Why not?"

The preacher takes him by the hand and leads him into the lake. Dunks him, brings him back up and says, "Did you find Jesus?" The drink shakes his head to read "No!" Dunks him again, same reaction.

Finally on the third dunking, the preacher asks, "Did you find Jesus yet?" The drunk says, "Are you sure this is where he fell IN?"
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A grandson named Charles went to visit his mother's father in a nursing home.

"How do you like it here?" That starts the playback. He answers, "Fine," to most questions. Then young Charles asks him how he sleeps? Grandpop answers: "Oh wonderful!
At 10 o'clock the nurse brings me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra pill."

Charles is aghast. He strides out of the room to find the head nurse. He says, "Do you realize the patient you have is 90 years old? How come you're giving him a Viagra pill every night?"

The nurse responds, "The hot chocolate puts him to sleep and the Viagra keeps him from falling out of bed!"