Andy Rooney Is So Funny. Here's Some Giggles That Call For Sexual Con-Gress

 Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom agency.

A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings."

Virginity can be cured.

Virginity is not dignity. It's lack of opportunity.

Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

Marriage is the only law where you get to sleep with the enemy.

There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakley.

When I was born, I was given a choice -- a big pecker or a good memory....I don't remember which one I chose.

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men -- "Don't" and "Stop", unless they are used together.

Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.

Question: What's an Australian kiss? Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed, many men still have to sleep with their wives."