Lawyers Believe That A Man Is Innocent Until It's Proven That He Is Broke

 When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
--Prince Philip.

The only reason that they say, "Women and children first" is to test the strength of the lifeboats.--Jean Kerr.

I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage. -- Zsa Zsa Gabor.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. -- Emo Phillips.

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. -- Harrison Ford.

In hotel rooms I worry. I can't be the only soul who sits on the furniture naked. -- Jonathan Katz.

Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million. -- Arnold Schwarzenegger.

We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
--W.H. Auden.

If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.--Johnny Carson.

The best cure for sea sickness is to sit under a tree. -- Spike Milligan.

Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror. -- Jean Rostrand.

Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day. Give him religion and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish. -- Timothy Jones.

When the white missionaries came to Africa, they had the Bible and we had the land. They said, "Let us pray." We closed our eyes. When we opened them, we had read the Bible and they had the land. -- Desmond Tutu.

I don't believe in astrology. I'm a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical. -- Arthur C. Clarke.

As I hurled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind -- every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. -- John Glenn.

Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap. -- Steve Martin.

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it. -- Robert Benchley.