Want To Make A Deposit In Your Memory Bank? Lean In And I'll Whisper

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

Nervous? Who's nervous? I'm as nervous as a tree on the "Lassie" show.

Some people are more nervous than I am. What's the calorie count on fingernails?

When the gray turns to silver, you'll do face-time with those who never age, Mother Nature and Father Time.

There's only one way to beat the sniffles. Drink lots of water. Let's face it, when have you ever seen a fish with a cold?

Heard about the group that wants to fluoridate martinis? So you won't get holes in your teeth, just your liver.

To get support for legalized marijuana, they're flying all over the country.

And they don't even have a plane.


Actually, you can tell the people who smoke marijuana. Their living room's couch has safety belts.


I went out with a geezer and I had to slap his face all night. Not because he was being fresh. I wanted to see if he was alive.


I actually went to a pot party. Thy brought Tupperware.