Confidence Is 20 Percent Hard Work And 80 Percent Delusion

The best way out is always through. How come you do me like you do?

I don't think I should say I'm pushing 60 -- how about I'm pulling 59?

A survey of economics announces that the best time to buy anything --
is last year.

Leaders can let you fail and yet not let you be a failure. How many liters does a leader rate?

Want to know what feeling like a baby is like? Imagine being in love in Paris for the first time after you've had three double espressos.

You've got to try hard not to be nice.

During a congressional race in my cousin's district, a party leader took one of the candidates to a meeting of farm leaders. Reading from a laundry list of the man's qualifications, everyone was quite impressed. One farmer stood up and said, "Seems to me it would be a mistake to send this man to Washington. We ought to keep him around for breeding purposes."

Some people abbreviate their own way. Take my cousin. He sent a message which simply read, "A J D." I was confused until my father called to tell me, "Aunt June died."

One would be hard pressed to pass on this ad, spotted on Craigslist: "1990 Ford Escort $250. Could be driven. Should be towed."

A first grader told his teacher: "There's no more elfs in my ear. They all went on vacation to my nose."

The flyer invited me to a seminar entitled, "Everything You Ever Wanted To Ask About Cremation." The location: Smokehouse BBQ.