Travel At Peril When You Get Quirky Responses For Your Verbal Pounces


I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.
I said, "May I have large bills please?" 
She looked at me and said,  "I'm sorry, sir, but all the bills are the same size."  
When I got  up off the floor I explained it to her.
 
****
 
I went to a MacDonald's, driving myself and my daughter to the take-out window to order.
I gave the girl a $10 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
 
She said, "You gave me too much money." I said, "Yes, I know but this way you can just give me a dollar back. She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back my quarter, and said, "We're sorry but we cold not do that kind of thing."

Clerk-boy-man then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.
 *****
 
We had to get the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our  problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener.
 
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one  Sears made at the time, a 1/2 horsepower.
 
He shook h is head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower."
 
I responded that my 1/2 was larger than his 1/4.
 
He said, "NO, it's not! Four is larger than two."
 
We haven't used Sears since.
 
****
 
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip  back into itself and for the sake of her life, she couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
 
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs Office, no less.
 
****
 
At a goodbye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company  due to 'downsizing,'  our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. we should do this  more often."   
 
Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.
 
*****
 
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually-challenged coworker of  mine.
 
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
 
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving???" She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS.